Published Tuesday April 23rd, 2002




Well then... 2 top pictures.... me playing Epiar whilst not really doing much but sitting there w/o much which i felt like working on.... Exciting, ey? Its funny...lol then then... the ... i had to have a cow up there.... hasnt been one for a while.. haha..
Hrm, well then.. today i took the first part of the SAt.. or.. Standford 9 testing or whetever the heck its called... and whatever it is... dont really crare what it is... hrm.. anyways.. yea.. that was boring... 4 hours of that.. blek... chris and i finished early so we left and went to the computer lab where we fooled around ont he computers and such likes... i sat there playing with samba... and.. yep.. that was that... i couldnt get to my computers here at home cuz they blocked every port and everything and enything i might wish and or care to use... bastards! stupid htme... annoying... all of the websites besides like... the district and school websites are blocked.. really stupid... Hrm.. anyways... then.. we had 3 classes after lunch.. each 30 minutes long.. and... that was COMPLETELY pointless COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!! we did nothing.. walked into class.. sat down... got up and left for 3 periods.. ugh so stupid... tomorrow.. i have to do more of the same thing.. UGH... so shitty poopy boring.. hmph... anyways... yea..... i think its bed time for me so... till next post....

Hrm, Mike Helix wrote an essey for his history class and i though parts were funny, so here it is...


From: Mike Helix
To: Marco Luethy
Subject: Funny Story
Date: 23 Apr 2002 22:36:12 -0700


Beginning an unknown conference taken place in Bern, Switzerland, between Stalin, Roosevelt, Hirohito and Churchill, with a later appearance of Mussolini, Hitler, and Truman. Stalin began the conversation by saying, Well it looks like weve got another predicament on our hands, and Hitler seems to have killed himself.
As Mussolini looked around nervously, he raised his hand and asked, Can I ask what Im doing here, Im not quite sure, but I thought I was supposed to have died. Churchill looked at him nervously thinking the same thing.
He said, Well maybe we should just burn all of Italy and give him a heart attack ey? Sounds like a jolly good idea to me, as he had a jovial laugh and held his British Gut. Mussolini just stared at him with evil eyes. Roosevelt sat in his wheelchair half asleep, when he suddenly awoke yelling, No YOU caused the war!
All the other people at the conference looked at him odd and Churchill began by saying, Ummm Frank, nobody said you caused the war. Hirohito patted him on the shoulder saying, Dont worry your vice blew us up good, its all over now. Besides I blame Tojo, it seems all the much easier to keep me in power.
I dont remember the war ending, when did this happen? asked Roosevelt. Churchill whispered to Stalin, Boy hes really losing it in his old age. Stalin nodded his head in agreement as he drank another shot of Vodka. Would you lay off the Vodka already Joe? When you get drunk you get a little crazy and now is not the time for that.
Oh Winston, you ol chum, I miss Adolf and his backstabbing.
Uh oh, here we go again, looks like Frank and I are going to have to make all the decisions for today. You up for that my jolly good friend?
Where am I? Who are you people? What is that bright light?
Alright maybe we should reconvene later, as Stalin drunkenly toppled over his chair,
I may want all of Europe but thats only because Im a psychopath, nothing to worry about right? Just because our flag is red doesnt mean we bleed on it, although I do by occasion use others blood.
Yeah Joe thats about enough of that, we know you kill everyone but you dont need to tell our enemies that too.
Hirohito stood up, I am shocked and appalled that Joseph, my hero could ever have the heart to kill another human being. I think back to the good times we had when
Oh put it a sock in it you bloody suck-up, Ive had enough of your trying to win support of the Communists, maybe we should just throw the Chinese on you, they need their revenge.
Hahaha the Japanese, lose to the Chinese? Hahaha, thats like saying were French.
Well I do suppose that Hirohito has that one right, the French actually surrendered twice, you know thats the saddest thing Ive ever seen, can you actually do that? Sometimes I wonder why we ever side with them, its been a long
I remembered when I helped with the first attack upon France.
Hey did I say you could talk you bloody Italian dictator? Only talk when I point to you. Arent you dead anyways, what is wrong with this conference? Suddenly the Italian people broke into the conference and dragged out Mussolini.
Ummm guys, little help here? Everyone just shrugged their shoulders and waved goodbye.
Righto so now we just have the jolly good Grand Alliance,
Hey guys what about me?
Oh youre still here Hirohito? Ok thats it youre getting another nuking, Roosevelt you still have a few left?
Lets worry about killing them later, first lets make sure we finished everything in the war. Weve got France surrendering, that happened a little late, but well those French seem to have false pride
I want to kill people guys, lets get this genocide on the way, Hitler taught me a thing or two, and I want to try them out.
Alright Joe, thats about as much as I can take from you one more outburst like that and Im taking the Vodka, thats right you heard me, you bloody Commie. Go ahead and continue Roosevelt.
From now on Im ignoring Joe.
Hey dont worry I get everyones attention. At least I didnt surrender like the French and sided with Adolf, and then surrendered again when American and Britain came in.
Yes, yes, we all know the French are the most useless civilization in the world, and honestly I say theyre to blame for the war. Had they not been idiots during the Treaty of Versailles we wouldnt be having the Second World War. All their revenge, jealousy, and lack of intelligence really messed Europe up this time.
Awww be nice to the French Frankie
Wow I didnt realize anyone could get THAT drunk? To say the French were decent people.
Its not their fault they were born stupid, I mean honestly.
Okay, so he was insulting them, or just saying the truth.
Remember, just because Im drunk it doesnt mean I dont know what those lousy French are up to with their, fifty revolutions in a minute, their fake governments, and what is with the surrendering. They surrender to Napoleon, then for him, then the surrendering to Bismarck, then so very close to surrendering to Wilhelm II, then to Hitler, then to Churchill, twice in the same war, my God what is wrong with these people, why dont we just rename it to Wine and Cheese Reserves and divide it into three sections for I, Roosevelt, and Churchill here.
Wow thats the most sensible idea Ive ever heard. In the meantime lets talk about the things that have happened.
Jolly good, lets see what happened in these past years, as Hirohito scoots closer to listen. Unfortunately the Grand Alliance gave him evil looks and he was forced to sit in the corner with a sad look on his face.
Anyways after the lousy French surrendered and we had food rations going around due to the darn Depression poor Norway, Denmark, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, and Poland all lost to the Axis of evil. So whos left at this point in time, Joe was still sitting on his hands swearing that he and Hitler were best buds, Spain was partial to the Axis, and its not like the lovely Swiss are one to get involved. If only we could get those neutral geniuses to join us, but oh well, so nobodys left except
Well except for us jolly good British, our defence will never fail. Our RAF defeats their Luftwaffe very quickly and powerful.
Yes well we saved your butts.
Yeah, yeah, and after that Battle of Britain where we were outnumbered almost three to one and gave those Bloody Germs a good kick in the bum, were we losing then?
Yes
Oh, right, carry on.
So in forty-one we joined against the blasted Japanese. He stopped talking momentarily to give evil looks to Hirohito. Hirohito looked around whistling and twiddling his thumbs. As I was saying, after Joe joined the war and our little alliance was formed
Grand Alliance
Fine, Grand Alliance, we just kept moving in through Europe, from France and the Soviet Union, mmmm just sandwich those Nazis in. Oh they got theres, hmmm whatever happened to Japan anyways, Adolf walked in randomly, arent you dead?
Arent you?
Blast youre right, well well deal with that later.
Id like to speak on my behalf, said Hitler, as Churchill lunged out his seat and tackled Hitler.
Stupid Nazis, bombing my cities how dare you.
I quite enjoyed that part, in fact my Aryan Race of Germans would have destroyed you all had it not been for Hirohito messing up and attacking the Americans. If the Americans had not gotten involved I could have just walked all over the Russians and the British.
Oh you lie you bloody bastard.
Hitler, I thought you were my bud, I was going to try some of your genocide techniques.
Youre drunk again arent you Joe? As Stalin begins to cry,
My job is so hard, nobody likes me.
Right, thats, lovely there Joe, anyways my ideas would have worked if you wouldnt have gotten involved, I wasnt targeting the British at all, and I would have left alone the Russians if it werent for the British, and the Americans wouldnt have been attacked without that either, so really you only have Churchill to blame here.
Cant blame me, that was during Chamberlains time,
Yeah I blame all you British.
You know what would have really helped out? Not trying to destroy all of Europe including the stupid French who we always save for some reason. You just started it all with Poland; cant they have their own country already? Bloody bastards always stealing their land, yeah Im talking about you too Joe. Joe looked around nervously.
Were Slavs, were, protecting them, thats it,
You invaded them,
See thats really all just a misunderstanding, I mean honestly I was just trying to make sure I got some of Poland, because I knew I wasnt going to get all of it
Stop making excuses Joe, dont be like the French.
I am not French, I fought back in World War II, didnt see them do that.
Hahaha, looks like everyone agrees with me about those French, thats why I destroyed them, quite easy if you ask me. I blame them and the Jews for everything. The whole Lebensraum theory and everything.
Whats your bloody problem with the Jews anyways?
Damn them and their economic success, I just had to get back at them, and the French.
Well we can understand the French, I mean just look at the blasted idiots, but the Jews come on.
Well no one will ever hate me for that anyways and then irony struck the conference. A giant Star of David crashed through the window and smashed Hitler; quickly he turned to ashes and dissolved through the floor. Then the Star of David flew back through the window.
I cant say I expected that one,
No that was one bloody interesting event, talk about irony.
Ive got to be REALLY drunk, did anyone else see that?
Yes Joe, yes.
Well since Im dead I better go now,
Alright well well see you later Frank, nice to see you again.
Right you take care of drunkie over there, he toppled over and suddenly his wheelchair was gone and out of nowhere another person morphed out of the floor.
Right, this is getting mighty odd for me then, I better dawdle my way out of here.
Oh no, stay, it is I, killer of the Japanese, and the last say in the war. Isnt that right Hirohito? Obscenities are heard from the corner. You know he loves me dont you?
Welcome Truman, I really never approved of the whole Hiroshima thing there.
Well in the Machiavellian ways, the ends justify the means.
Sure you know who else was Machiavellian? Hitler
Oh blah blah, I took care of the Japanese didnt I? Roosevelt is dead, Mussolini is dead, Hitler is dead, Hirohito can slowly rebuild his Japan, and all is well in the world.
I want Poland.
No you bloody Communist, Poland gets their land back.
Ok how about Czechoslovakia?
No.
Romania?
No.
Yugoslavia?
For the last time no,
Can I make allies?
Yes
YAY WARSAW PACT
What?
Ummm nothing, I wont ally with Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and Poland. Dont forget my sector of East Germany either.
Yeah when you say wont, you mean will dont you?
Well naturally.
Yes well dont think we wont respond with, umm NATO, yeah thats right, with our section of Germany, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Denmark, Norway, Netherlands, Belgium, Portugal, UK, USA, and I guess, we could go with France, I really dont know why.
You know just because you have more countries doesnt mean you have more power.
Okay Ive had enough crap from you Stalin, youre turning into a mean drunk.
You mean to tell me that the Russian Roulette Revolver was not loaded? Gosh darn.
Alright, what are you talking about Joe?
I havent the slightest.
Alright then, lets see what we do about everything, all the borders are wrapped in Europe arent they?
Thats what you think,
Dont talk until youre told to,
Hey Ive got my revolver right here,
We already went over this, no bullets,
Oh right, my Vodka will save me.
Anyways, all three of us will temporary occupy Berlin, and well give France a section to make them seem important.
What a bloody good joke, we better put our own troops there just to be safe.
Well naturally, Romania loses some territory, and then West Germany will be occupied by Great Britain and I, as well as the French, once again a joke, along with the same thing happening in Austria, of course no French influence there. Stalin will occupy East Germany, and youll get a small section of Austria too.
Territory for everyone!
Did we tell you to talk Joe?
Sorry,
Carry on Truman,
Alrighty, lets see and dealing with USSR they get some territory for their efforts in the Baltic States and such, and of course we should give France a swift kick in the bum because well, hey why not.
Ill second that jolly good offer. Stalin nervously fidgets in his seat. Now you can talk
Yes lets, and spread Communism EVERYWHERE!
Okay, how about no
Damn
Well that should conclude everything then right?
Except for Japan,
Well I suppose since I blew him up, Hirohito can stay, since he really wasnt the evil mastermind.
Hey I resent that!
Good for you, well I think were done here, lets disperse and return to our jolly countries. They all stood up, signed an agreement, shook hands, and returned to their countries.