Indecent Exposure Society
Published Monday September 27th, 2004
In a manner of much conceit, I have to say that the construction and writing of my past two entries are among some of my favourite entries of all time. Can I continue this level of writing? Perhaps it is that I am writing on paper in a notebook with a pen because I do not have access to a computer.. Perhaps something completely different..
Today was a reliable laid back day. I awoke at a few moments before 10.00. After a typical morning routine I found myself reading until lunch was served. Following suit, I joined my cousins at the beach after we had eaten lunch. It was a lot more windy and cool this day, and the water temperature was a reflection of this. I dislike cold water for I find that I have a difficult time function in it. I can't think and have troubles breathing. A combination of feelings I find too over-whelming to handle for long, and when I try to deal, I tend to get lost in my mind.. wandering off to nowheres.
We stayed on the windy beach for some time, playing sand throwing and such other games. At one point we went and got.. Frosties of a sort, which Anna paid for. (Thanks!) A "petit" cup with a semi frozen liquid in its interior with a coloured straw for 1 Euro. Referring to an observation from Tuesday, September 21st, Martin and Floris had pink straws, Ursula and Anna yellow straws, and I had an orange straw. This observation amused me, and I glimpsed a similar amusement in Anna (which prompted me to observe all the straws in the first place.)
We continued being on the beach, and I dozed off into a prolonged sleep. (How typical.) Upon returning to the apartment, I took a shower, read some, and then had dinner with the rest. As I said, a reliably laid back day.
I've noticed that there are no Americans, Asians, or Africans here.. Or very few. This vacation town seems to be visited primarily by Europeans. One notices this in beach ethnics, too. Wish to sun-bathe your breasts? Okay. No one notices much beyond, "Hey, they're sun bathing their breasts." No "indecent exposure" crap or any "Eee! Oh my gawd! Nudity!" bullshit often performed by American society. I hate that. My penis looks just like his penis, and her breasts just like hers. I dislike American society, or perhaps culture is a better word.
As random and predictable as that last paragraph was, I alter the topic completely yet again to ramble about something else. After all, thoughts bounce all over the place, anyway. At least, they do frequently for me, and a summation can usually be made in the end.. Wow.. I've read too much from the Dune Chronicles-.. A deep and powerful gripping fear just swept over me.. I truly do not wish to lose this freedom I enjoy from times constraints.. Please, no! I never get around to reading.. I want to keep my infinite time without schedules for ever!
...
I'm more tan than I was at the beginning of the week. Great urges to whistle pang in me. Oh how there are so many levels on which to listen to music! I love it so. A song contains so many different versions and variations at different levels, one can almost rarely hear every variation in a well composed piece! I'd elaborate with an example, but I doubt that i could express myself sensibly and coherently.
Rita made a comment about how I barely spoke three words today. This, of course, in her presence because I'm sure I've said plenty through the day.. Or did I? I can never accurately gauge how much I say because there is always talking going on in my mind. I'm never thoroughly convinced of what I've said out loud, and what I've said out loud in my mind. I could easily imagine myself as insane in future tangents, or more likely schizophrenic. I could imagine, very easily, admitting to schizophrenia.
Like just now as I write this entry, I often allow myself to feel reclusive in my body. The edges of what my eyes see very distant, as though I were sitting in a room inside a human shaped body looking out through a single window (because the data from both of my eyes is combined into one.) I love it when I feel this way because it makes me feel as though I were an observer, remote, looking into this universe. When I listen to music with my headphones this feeling of remote observer is amplified because all outside noises and sounds are blocked. I then feel alone (positive feeling) in some room, staring through a window into this universe without any sounds coming through the window. A wondrous feeling of bliss!
I should spend more time just writing as I am now. Though, I'm sure I've said this frequently. Miscellaneous thoughts and memories come forward as they would throughout any day, but quickly combine together into a formulaic summation.. this in turn, seems to provide a sort of mental cleansing, or clearing, allowing me to focus on new and other thoughts..
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In a manner of much conceit, I have to say that the construction and writing of my past two entries are among some of my favourite entries of all time. Can I continue this level of writing? Perhaps it is that I am writing on paper in a notebook with a pen because I do not have access to a computer.. Perhaps something completely different..
Today was a reliable laid back day. I awoke at a few moments before 10.00. After a typical morning routine I found myself reading until lunch was served. Following suit, I joined my cousins at the beach after we had eaten lunch. It was a lot more windy and cool this day, and the water temperature was a reflection of this. I dislike cold water for I find that I have a difficult time function in it. I can't think and have troubles breathing. A combination of feelings I find too over-whelming to handle for long, and when I try to deal, I tend to get lost in my mind.. wandering off to nowheres.
We stayed on the windy beach for some time, playing sand throwing and such other games. At one point we went and got.. Frosties of a sort, which Anna paid for. (Thanks!) A "petit" cup with a semi frozen liquid in its interior with a coloured straw for 1 Euro. Referring to an observation from Tuesday, September 21st, Martin and Floris had pink straws, Ursula and Anna yellow straws, and I had an orange straw. This observation amused me, and I glimpsed a similar amusement in Anna (which prompted me to observe all the straws in the first place.)
We continued being on the beach, and I dozed off into a prolonged sleep. (How typical.) Upon returning to the apartment, I took a shower, read some, and then had dinner with the rest. As I said, a reliably laid back day.
I've noticed that there are no Americans, Asians, or Africans here.. Or very few. This vacation town seems to be visited primarily by Europeans. One notices this in beach ethnics, too. Wish to sun-bathe your breasts? Okay. No one notices much beyond, "Hey, they're sun bathing their breasts." No "indecent exposure" crap or any "Eee! Oh my gawd! Nudity!" bullshit often performed by American society. I hate that. My penis looks just like his penis, and her breasts just like hers. I dislike American society, or perhaps culture is a better word.
As random and predictable as that last paragraph was, I alter the topic completely yet again to ramble about something else. After all, thoughts bounce all over the place, anyway. At least, they do frequently for me, and a summation can usually be made in the end.. Wow.. I've read too much from the Dune Chronicles-.. A deep and powerful gripping fear just swept over me.. I truly do not wish to lose this freedom I enjoy from times constraints.. Please, no! I never get around to reading.. I want to keep my infinite time without schedules for ever!
...
I'm more tan than I was at the beginning of the week. Great urges to whistle pang in me. Oh how there are so many levels on which to listen to music! I love it so. A song contains so many different versions and variations at different levels, one can almost rarely hear every variation in a well composed piece! I'd elaborate with an example, but I doubt that i could express myself sensibly and coherently.
Rita made a comment about how I barely spoke three words today. This, of course, in her presence because I'm sure I've said plenty through the day.. Or did I? I can never accurately gauge how much I say because there is always talking going on in my mind. I'm never thoroughly convinced of what I've said out loud, and what I've said out loud in my mind. I could easily imagine myself as insane in future tangents, or more likely schizophrenic. I could imagine, very easily, admitting to schizophrenia.
Like just now as I write this entry, I often allow myself to feel reclusive in my body. The edges of what my eyes see very distant, as though I were sitting in a room inside a human shaped body looking out through a single window (because the data from both of my eyes is combined into one.) I love it when I feel this way because it makes me feel as though I were an observer, remote, looking into this universe. When I listen to music with my headphones this feeling of remote observer is amplified because all outside noises and sounds are blocked. I then feel alone (positive feeling) in some room, staring through a window into this universe without any sounds coming through the window. A wondrous feeling of bliss!
I should spend more time just writing as I am now. Though, I'm sure I've said this frequently. Miscellaneous thoughts and memories come forward as they would throughout any day, but quickly combine together into a formulaic summation.. this in turn, seems to provide a sort of mental cleansing, or clearing, allowing me to focus on new and other thoughts..
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