Published Tuesday February 28th, 2006

I find it funny when people pout. I think its scary when people get angry. Anger is such a foreign concept to me and how I was raised. Anger is such a rare thing in my family. When I'm around someone who is angry or gets angry I'm usually just disgusted. Is that anger really necessary? Can't these people contain themselves? Heh, it's kind of funny, actually.

Yes.. It is the last day of February. .. At least while I still write this. March will be here soon.. but it will be just like February. April will come after March.. But again, it will also be just like February. Nothing ever changes. It's all the same. I put a book on my desk right next to my mouse. Maybe I'll read it some day. I doubt it though. I don't know why I never read books. I'm bored all the time, but for some reason I still don't have the time to read books. It's too bad there aren't more hours in a day. If there were, I could spend more time thinking about reading the book and wishing for more hours in a day.

The theme to the latest wave of entries to blogs of friends' that I read all seem to be similar. No one is sad. No one is happy. Everyone seems to be checking off each our as it passes. Oh, another hour has gone by. Check. Now I'm one hour closer to the same. Can't contain my excitement. I wish my writing skills were better. I wish writing classes didn't suck. I wish many things, but unfortunately I, like so many other people, have never had a genie from which to wish for infinite wishes. I suppose, then, that making so many wishes is rather foolish. Oh, but it's so easy to wish. I wish, I wish, I wish.

Perhaps you haven't noticed, but here's a heads up: This entry will probably bounce all over the place. Fantastic. The book which rest's next to my mouse (as in optical) is 1100 pages. This greatly decreases the already greatly decreased likely-hood of me reading it. "Read me Marco! Read me!" No.. I'd rather ramble away all in glory for my weblog. Sorry book. Maybe another day when the sun rises and doesn't set. I quote The Thielen when I say, "i could use a few lessons in focusing, honestly. but maybe it's a gift. maybe a lack of focus is simply an intense talent; a wide-view of the area. sure you cant really tell anybody the details on anything, but at least you see it all, and see how one thing changes another, instead of simply studying that one thing and finding it particular when it suddenly changes without internal cause. i sort of wish i could study english, art/design, music, engineering and observe the world without the bias of knowledge all at the same time. but i suppose we cant always get what we want. but fuck that, focus is fake anyway." If this entry were a paper for an English class, I would need to explain that quote, but.. fuck that. This isn't a paper for an English class.

There is a striking familiarity when Brian Tusi writes about how it, "Seems like every time I am stuck at home, I start to feel like this. I’m bored - not just in the “now” sense, but in general. I need some sort of excitement in my life, something more exciting getting yet another meal at restaurants with friends, since that’s all I ever seem to do these days." Oh yes. I know exactly how this feels. Boredom in the most general of terms. I wonder what would happen if I completely alienated all my friends. I often find myself tempted to find out. There's something about alienating people that I find interesting. I partake in little mini-alienations to prod for reactions out of people. To see how far I can go. It's something to do, but it doesn't seem to stay interesting for very long. People generally react the same. I really don't know what I'm rambling about.

I've noticed that if I'm consistently sarcastic about something, I end up not being so sarcastic about that something after some time. Perhaps I wasn't even sarcastic to begin with, but only under the impression that I was being sarcastic. I'm really not sure what purpose alienating people might serve. I think I'm just bored with everything. With my friends, with the things we do, the things we say and speak about. Mostly I think I'm just simply bored with myself. I bore me. I'm probably alienating people now, too. Neat. I'm just a bastard.

Yesterday I picked up my mom, aunt and uncle (mom's brother) from LAX. It took me 2 hours to get there, and 2 hours to get back home. Commuter traffic somewhat heavy rain = nightmare. My cousin, Deborah (Mom's brother's daughter) is getting married this summer to a great guy I've known all throughout my childhood. My sister is dating a great guy with whom I hope she stays for quite a while longer, at least.. So.. where the hell is my great girl? I don't think I could handle a relationship with most general females. They irritate me. I just see them talking on their cell phones, or their mannerisms, or I hear them talking on their cell phones and I'm filled with irritation. I don't really get very angry. I do get really irritated. I find anger disgusting. I'm a hypocrite. I don't know anyone who is not. We all suck. Damn.

I spend way too much time on these weblog entries. Already 45 minutes have been wasted. You should read some of the thoughts I don't write... I guess you can't though. Hey, I have an idea. How about.. instead of being bored.. we drive around and be bored. Swell.

I had much more intelligent and more important things to write about.. But those things have vanished from my mind, apparently. I like adding words to the end of sentences that probably shouldn't be there... like.. apparently in the last sentence. I just misspelled sentences three times but spell-checker fixed it so you'll never see it.

February has been a month of Javascript for me. I can now fade in, fade out, cross fade, drag-drop/move DOM elements (among other, less cool things). It's all really easy. I can't figure out why no one seems to have a simple, straight forward tutorial about it. Maybe I'll write one up sometime. For example.. the fading of elements.. You simply increment/decrement the opacity (use 'filter' for IE) CSS value and apply the changes each time. Drag and drop is just about as easy. Change the top and left values for the element via the CSS once the drag begins (plus some additional, relatively simple mouse event handling code.)

From my perspective, I can already tell that my aunt and uncles visit will be way too short. But this is always the case. I liked it when Anna (my cousin) lived here with us. Whenever relatives here here they act as some sort of emotional link between Switzerland and myself. My aunt and uncle are both quite observant people. My uncle is very open and voices many of his thoughts, kind of like my mother. This is his first time to the USA, the first time to a different continent and his observations act as yet another sort of link back home. The huge freeways, the giant trucks on the freeways, the large cars and houses, the large shopping centre's, etc. With much excitement he makes comparisons, and I cherish them.

For years I've always complained to my aunt and uncle, and cousins about how a lot of the food here is gross, or how things are just on a larger scale, or made some comparison. Now being able to show them these comparisons, and having them make the comparisons is .. somehow.. heart warming? My uncle made a observation today about an ice-cream he had eaten earlier.. he mentioned how it just seemed to be missing something, how the taste just wasn't quite right. This was great to hear because I'd been saying this to them for years. I feel like a little kid, jumping up and down very excited yelling, "I told you! I told you so!".. and perhaps, "Look at what I've had to suffer through!"

Out of all my aunt's and uncles I've always been closest with the two that are here. I'm not sure I really understand my attachment to them. Perhaps again, a link to Switzerland. A link to my cousins. A link to my grandparents.

The sad thing is, had I grown up in Switzerland, I would be different.