Published Saturday August 5th, 2006

It’s Saturday. It’s raining. One week to go. I feel like rambling. I think I shall.

Maybe I wont.. I don’t know. What to write? If I knew I wouldn’t ask. Perhaps just single, individual words. Gray outside the window. Somewhat cold. I like it. Depressed. Don’t want to go back to California, again. Typical. Like usual. Always the same thing. Not much waiting for me there. Not much waiting for me here. I always feel alienated. No place to call home. Though I do like it better here in Switzerland. Maybe I just don’t like to go back to California because I live in Camarillo. Probably. Way too many crazy conservative religious republicans with completely disagreeable opinions. Nothing waits for me in Camarillo. No direction. No educational goals. I go to Moorpark College. Motivation? No, there is none.

Depression. Like usual, like always, starting a week before I have to leave.
Friends.. need new ones. Love the ones I have, but they stay relatively the same. Unchanged. The same ideas, do the same things. Boring. So boring. I’m not different, I’m sure.

Feel unaccomplished. Photography no longer very enticing. Programming not a future. What the fuck do I do? Desire to be successful. Desire to achieve something worth while. Why? Stupid. Human. Frustrating.



Dobenbeck feat. Joanna – Please Don’t Go

Here I go
Coming around to regret
Just trying to forget
Don’t you know
Its easy to fall into my mind, but inside they shine
I’m only trying to remember
Whatever we choose to forget
I am longing for your touch

Please don’t go
Keep your heart close to mine if you go so that we never part
Watching you
I’m reminded of us back in time
Like the moments we shared
And the things that we did
When the curtains have fallen
Our names I recall when you fell
Into my arms

Please don’t go.

So I fall
Into the deepest blue
Searching a clue
Like I was
Torn of feelings apart
Right there from the start
I’m only trying to remember
Whatever we choose to forget
But there’s a need inside of me

Please don’t go
Keep your heart close to mine if you go so that we never part
Watching you
I’m reminded of us back in time
Like the moments we shared
And the things that we did
When the curtains have fallen
Our names I recall when you fell
Into my arms



* sigh *


Funny. Instead of being happy that I still have a week left here, I’m depressed that I only have a week left here. Figures. Everything figures.

I feel alienated by the world.

Bla bla, bla de da. I’ll get over it.