Published Sunday October 7th, 2007 from Camarillo, CA. Listening to The Shins, Veda, and The Chemical Brothers, feeling introverted as usual, and meh as typical..

I've found myself constantly drafting paragraphs of text in my mind as I go about my daily routines. It's nothing new, but it's become much more prominent. Should I interpret my constant mental drafting and editing as reason to pursue education towards that direction? It's been on my mind a lot lately.

Unfortunately, throughout the past few weeks I've felt less than motivated to write down any of my drafted thoughts. I narrate to myself as I use the restroom, take a shower, drive from place to place almost constantly. Ideas flow freely and words just float into place. However, as soon as I find myself in front of my computer, ready to type my narration ceases and the flow stops. Just moments ago I had drafted this entire paragraph while getting some tea and filling a bowl with Wheat Thins, but now that I'm ready to write, my words seem so forced and difficult.

Ah, Ah, Ah. I am still here. It seems to be true, and more true that 2007 seems to be my year of "I sort of know what I want to do with my life, but not really, and I'm still stuck going to Moorpark, and I'm still unmotivated and I still lack any self-discipline." Where is my role model who can teach me the self-discipline I lack? Do almost-twenty-two year olds even still qualify to be on the recipient end of the whole role-model facsimile analog? I'm almost 22 and I'm still nowhere (as I see it). This bothers me.

Two weeks ago (Sept. 24-26) my employer, OmniUpdate, Inc., held their first "Advanced User Workshop" for our clients. My friend and co-worker Brian and I created completely new material including Keynote presentations as well as a ~30 page lab manual with pages and pages of lab instruction to be used during the workshop. Monday was Brian's day. Tuesday was my day. .. And it was fun. I've done presentations for work before, but I'm actually starting to slightly enjoy being in front of a bunch of people talking about something I know very well. I kind of enjoy teaching people. Should I interpret this enjoyment as reason to pursue education towards this direction?

I observe these tendencies, emotions, and thoughts within myself. I know my wants, my likes, and my desires. I try to craft them all together in the hopes of getting a brief glimpse, from a single perspective, through the inevitable future progression of time. Considering my great desire to travel and live in different places and what I've mentioned already, I conjure up an idea of teaching English in foreign places like China, or India. If only it were so simple. Ha-ha! Of course not. Waving at me from the left with the energy the likes of a sniffling, vibrant, pompous leprechaun holding a shortened straw in one hand and a rusty razor-blade in the other, my love for music conjures up quite the protest to attain more and renewed attention--and rightly so! My Diatonic Harmony class this semester has been the most enthralling class I've taken since some of the photography classes I took back at Brooks in 2005.

Last weekend I attended Nocturnal Wonderland 2007, a massive party (read: a giant 20,000 people rave in the middle of the financial district in downtown LA.) Hours ago, this weekend, I went and saw The Shins perform at The Bowl in Santa Barbara. The extremity in the differences between the two events are staggering, but similarities exist.

At Nocturnal, the music was loud and very digital, with the rhythm very precise and the bass relentless. The energetic vibes given off by the people and the music make it entirely possible to find yourself high without having consumed any external chemical. The bright flashing lights, lasers and other exuberant visualizations only help solidify the crazy, energetic, powerful partying atmosphere. It's an experience perfectly balanced to outrage any conservative Christian who hears about it through their local value-starved media outlet, then cry, "If I can't have that much fun, neither should they!" Clearly, I hold some grudges... but I digress. It's amusing how many similarities there are between heavy metal concerts and raves, but again, topic for another time. I mainly saw The Chemical Brothers perform live (with a spectacular accompanying visualization show) on the main stage, and Benny Benassi mix a set on another.

This weekend saw a switch to a much smaller event where young children frolicked around with their parents and many of the attendees seemed to still be in high school, only a few people carried cups filled with watery beer. Due in part to the genre and the music, the vibe was much more mellow and generally relaxed. The crowd was also greatly reduced in size, the light, laser, and visualization setup much more reserved and simplified.

It was a rather entertaining experience to be witness to these two similar but very different events in such a short time span. What did the two events share in common? People happily toking away on giant joints, of course! Where it was incredibly difficult to tell who was smoking a blunt at Nocturnal Wonderland, it took but a few seconds to follow the path of smoke to pin-point the exact location of its origin at The Bowl. The crowd slightly jealous at both venues. Hah!

Either way.. both events were fun.. and now I'm left without any further weekend plans (at least none that are planned.) Also, this entry has died-hard and come to an abrupt conclusion. Oh well. I've lost motivation to write this entry so this is the end!